spiritual director

Spiritual discernment through prayer and community

When we are attempting to discern God’s will in our lives, he sometimes reveals himself to us clearly, in undeniable ways. He shows us in prayer, in a dream, or through community who he would have us be. Our path is well lit before us if only we are willing, and we are left simply to do the work of submitting to his will and following through on our decision. 

Other times, we are left to walk through darkness with only the flickering light of faith to light our way. We feel our way around, bump into unseen walls, and fumble our way forward. Even in these times of darkness, however, God gives us clues along the way, if only we have the eyes to see and ears to hear. Through these divine breadcrumbs, he reminds us that we are not alone on this journey and that he has always been there to guide us since before we were even paying attention. 

It can often be difficult to discern between divine inspiration and self-delusion. This is why prayer and spiritual community are so important. Through prayer, especially extended periods of silent prayer coupled with the reading of scripture and other spiritual literature, we place ourselves in a posture from which we can listen for God’s quiet voice. Spiritual community, such as a pastor, spiritual director, or a trusted friend who knows us and the journey we are on, then helps us in discernment by helping us to test and sift through what we receive in prayer. 

Without prayer, we are left trying to do God’s will with only self and the world to guide us. Without spiritual community, we are the sole interpreters of God’s voice in our lives and, while no one else can truly know what he is speaking to us in our hearts, God also speaks through the people he has placed in our lives. God did not make us to be alone. 

I have recently been trying to discern God’s will for me in my career and education. While God has not appeared to me in a burning bush, atop a mountain, or through an angel descending from the heavens, he has been there. Through a long, challenging process of deep prayer, many conversations with my spiritual community, and following the breadcrumbs placed before me, I believe that I know what he would have me do next in my life, at least for now (I’ll write about it in a different post). As my wife says to our daughter, “Subject to change.” 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

The heartache of the spiritual path

The spiritual life does not save us from heartache or suffering. It opens us up to experience life more fully. By choosing to live with an open heart, we are choosing both joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, connection and heartbreak. We get it all. 

Whether we know it or not, when we step onto the spiritual path, we are making a decision to feel everything, to experience everything. As a spiritual director once told me, “Unfortunately, we do not get to selectively numb. We can feel everything or nothing.” Openness is a package deal.

But it’s hard. Living with an open heart is hard. Love is hard. People we care about pass away, some betray or abandon us, and others disappoint us and let us down. And, in spite of this, we have to keep going. 

People who were on the path before us, who once led, guided, and accompanied us, they sometimes fall off or walk away, or they may simply stop seeking. They stop growing. Likewise, people we entered onto this journey along side, or met along the way, may not stay with us for the long haul. We are lucky if they do, but chances are they won’t. 

Quite often what feels like a parallel path of lifelong companionship turns out to be only a brief meeting at a crossroads. Even the deepest connections, connections that feel eternal, may not last but a moment before we are pulled by God or self in different directions. And parting hurts. 

If we are dedicated to this path, however, if we have chosen to love and seek God above all else, we must keep going. For those of us who long so deeply for divine connection with the infinite and eternal source of all things that nothing else will suffice, we must continue on the path even, or perhaps especially, when it gets lonely. We must walk in faith with our broken hearts toward the one who heals all wounds. 

But it’s not going to be easy. Easy was never the promise anyway. It’s going to be real. It’s going to be true. It’s going to be meaningful. It’s going to be rewarding. It’s going to be fulfilling. But it’s not going to be easy. 

This hardened world will break our fragile hearts, but as the late Leonard Cohen said, “That’s how the light gets in.” 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox.