I’ve begun to notice that the draw to social media is drawing me away from God. It is taking my peace and giving me little in return besides a few fleeting moments of pleasure when I see a new ‘like’ on one of my posts or when I see someone else’s post that makes me smile for a second. But then it leaves me feeling empty, sad, and full of regret. 

I’ve felt for quite some time that social media is a distraction and, worse, an addiction, but for years I have explained this feeling away by telling myself that it is just a tool and, as with all tools, it is useful as long as it’s not abused. While I still agree with this and acknowledge the value of social media if used discerningly, I fear that, like all addictions, it has begun taking more from me than it is giving. 

Historically, I have used social media to promote my business, to share my blog, and to interact with friends I otherwise might not see or talk to. It would not be an exaggeration to say that our business would not be as successful as it is if it were not for social media. Social media has allowed us to connect with and attract people we otherwise would not have been able to. Recently, however, it just feels like noise, like angry, confusing noise. 

I’m not necessarily blaming the platforms. While social media has certainly changed over the years from what it once was, which was a way to connect and interact with friends, into the algorithm and advertisement driven drama machine it is now, I have also changed. When I first got on social media, I was young, lonely, and interested in connecting with like-minded people. As I’ve matured, and especially as I’ve grown spiritually, I’m less lonely and I’m also less interested in connecting with people simply because I agree with or share certain interests with them. I am looking for something deeper. 

I do still enjoy sharing jiu-jitsu videos, funny memes, and even inspirational videos or quotes with friends and family, but it often feels like the price is too high to pay. Wading through all of the politics, divisiveness, and propaganda just to get to the odd post here and there that I find interesting simply isn’t worth it. Whatever amount of momentary pleasure I get is far outweighed by the feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment I feel during and after I scroll aimlessly through the swamp of unrest that has become social media. 

Truth be told, I’m not sure I’d even notice this in such a profound way if it were not for my spiritual practices. The more God draws me nearer to him, the less satisfied I have become with other things. In fact, the nearer God draws me to him, the more dissatisfied I seem to become with that which is not God.

Today, for example, I had an amazing morning. I woke up, got my daughter ready for school, did my morning prayer hour, went for a walk with my wife, went to jiu-jitsu class, and talked with some of my friends. When I got home, I took a shower, had a healthy breakfast, and sat down to do some writing and reading. All in all, I couldn’t have asked for a better start to my day, but then I checked social media. Immediately, I felt something shift. 

The disturbing thing is that I didn’t necessarily want to check social media. I can’t even say I checked it out of habit. It was more of an urge. It was like I was being pulled in. 

I was having a great day. I felt connected to God, to my family, and to my friends. I couldn’t have really asked for more. Then, just as I was about to go deeper, just as I was about to get into a good book or do some writing, I felt the need to see what other people were doing, what they were saying, and what they were saying about me. And just like that, after only a few minutes of mindless scrolling, my feeling of peace, joy, and purpose all disappeared. 

I knew exactly what happened and it really bothered me. I locked my social media platforms with the Freedom app I recently installed on my phone, and then went back to what I was doing. The whole experience left me feeling really unsettled. 

What made matters even worse, however, and what still bothers me as I write this, is that, while I was reading and again while I was writing, I reflexively grabbed my phone to check social media more times than I care to admit. I did this even though I was locked out of my accounts and even though I didn’t want to. And somehow, not being able to check my accounts made me feel worse, or at least as bad, as when I did check them. 

This is what addictions are, really, isn’t it? They are unhealthy behaviors that compulsively draw us away from God, often against our better judgment and even against our will. What makes addiction so insidious, however, is that it convinces us that it is helping us, that we can’t live without that to which we are addicted, and that stopping will be more painful than continuing on toward self destruction. 

As I sat there processing this experience, I looked at my books, I looked at my prayer chair, and I looked at my laptop, and thought about all of the things I could be doing to deepen my connection with God or to improve my life, and how scrolling through social media is not one of those things. But the whole thing left me feeling helpless because, as much as I couldn’t imagine a life addicted to social media, I also I couldn’t imagine life without social media. I was and am at an impasse, but I also know that at every impasse, God is waiting for us to choose him, and he will always help us when we are willing. 

And so I remain to pray.

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox.