idolatry

People-pleasing and self-sufficiency are forms of idolatry

In the past, my sensitivity seemed to work in my favor. I thought I had learned to harness it for good, and I even imagined it to be a superpower. Having the ability to sense when things are wrong or are going to go wrong, allowed me to be a great problem solver. It made me an exceptional technician and a pretty good manager. 

For many years, I attempted to accomplish the impossible. That is, I tried to solve every problem that came my way. I tried to fix everything and everyone around me, even when they didn’t ask for it. This proved to be an impossible task, however. The problem, as it turns out, is that there are always more problems. 

Not only did I burn out and crash hard, but I also started to make things worse. I stepped on the toes of the people around me and, in an attempt to never let anything or anyone fail, I enabled others to be irresponsible. Then, ironically, I would get mad at them for not caring enough when, in fact, it was my caring too much that made them seem to care so little. 

All the while, I believed and acted like, if I’m not solving any and all problems, no one is going to. I was playing God and not doing a very good job at it. The more I did, the worse my relationships seemed to get. I got mad at people for not doing what I wanted, they got mad at me for the constant power trip I was on, and with all of the discord I was sowing around me, less and less was getting done.

Fast forward through a series of nervous breakdowns, several near ruined relationships, and a spiritual reawakening, and I have reached a place in my life where, to the best of my ability, I let God be God. This may seem obvious to some, but it was a hard-won lesson for me. 

My best ideas and my best efforts had to fail completely before I was willing to submit to the fact that, in spite of what I claimed to believe, I was living as though God needed my help, and not the other way around. I’m still susceptible to people-pleasing and taking on more than I can or should handle, but God is helping me find my proper place in the world. 

As it turns out, both people-pleasing and self-sufficiency are forms of idolatry in that they put human desires, whether someone else’s or your own, ahead of God’s desires. While God’s will and man’s will sometimes overlap, they often do not. In fact, man’s will is often in direct opposition to God’s will. We must choose, therefore, whether we are going to please others, please ourselves, or please God, but likely cannot do all three.

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

God will never let us down but other people will

God likes to remind me when I am putting my faith in something or someone other than him. As I’ve heard Father Mike Schmitz say, “We are wired for idolatry,” and it often seems as though every time I’m making steady progress in my relationship with God, I find a new false idol to give my attention to. This inevitably leads to unhappiness and disappointment, and I turn back to God for help. 

I don’t know how many times I need it to be proven to me that God is God and everything and everyone else is not, but it seems as though I never fully learn this lesson. There’s always one more distraction and one more hope, followed by one more messy let down. 

And I know it’s no one else’s fault. I can’t blame them. They are not asking to be God. I put them in that position. I set them up to fail me by having expectations that only God can meet and then I’m somehow surprised when humans prove to be human. 

There’s a reason Jesus’s said the first and greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37-38, NIV). Even though he then tells us to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39), this commandment comes second for a reason. God will never let us down, but other people will. 

When I make for myself false idols, God allows it. He doesn’t like it and he warns against it, but he allows it because, even though he wants us to choose him, he never stops us from using our free will. If we want to choose to worship something or someone other than God, God won’t stop us. He will remove his grace and protection from us when we turn away from him, however. 

Even though I know God never stops loving me, I have experienced times when I could feel his absence in my life. It usually happens when I turn my back on him or put something else before him. The funny thing is that God never went anywhere. It was I who cut myself off from his presence. 

All he asks is that I repent. That is, that I turn back to him with a contrite heart. When I do, having been let down by the world once again, he is always there to welcome me home. I don’t do this to test him. It’s more like I have a short memory. I forget what it’s like to be alone in the wilderness, outside of his protection. So I test it out again and am reminded of the pain and misery that led me to him in the first place. 

If only I never turned away, but the serpent of temptation comes in many forms. The devil has many faces and many voices, and he is a persistent trickster. He makes great promises that appeal to my pride, vanity, and fear, and he convinces me that I don’t need God this time, again, and it’s a lie. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox.