fitness

Jiu-jitsu seems to suit my obsessive yet fickle nature

For as long as I can remember, I have had wide varying and ever-changing tastes. While I really like, or even obsess over, consistency in certain things, in many aspects of my life my preferences are complex and fluid. Whether it’s music, food, hobbies, or careers, I have been all over the map in my forty some years of life. 

At times, this constant changing of tastes can be expensive, both financially and emotionally. I tend to get obsessed with whatever new thing I’m interested in, diving deep into every aspect of it, learning everything I can about it, and sharing what I find with others. Eventually, the day inevitably comes, however, when my interest wanes and I obsess over something new. 

Luckily, there are certain aspects of my life where this is not a problem for me. In my relationships, for example, I tend to be loyal and consistent, often to a fault. I find comfort in the stability of my relationships and, if I’m being honest, this tends to afford me the ability to be more whimsical in other areas of my life. 

My ever-changing tastes can cause problems, though. There is a cost to changing directions over and over again. I cannot tell you how many things I have collected and hoarded over the years just to end up giving them away, donating them, or throwing them away when I tire of them. Like I said, I feel fortunate that I don’t treat my relationships, especially my marriage, this way, although once someone hurts me enough and I get up the nerve to move on, I move on for good. 

With this on my mind, it occurred to me today that this eccentricity of mine is one of the reasons why jiu-jitsu has been such a rewarding practice for me. In jiu-jitsu, there is plenty to obsess over, but the art is so vast that there is always something new to give one’s attention to. In this way, it satisfies both my craving for depth and for breadth. 

When I want to dive deep into some aspect of the art, I can do that. I can stay focused on a particular technique, position, or principle for as long as I want or need to. And then, when I tire of that thing or grow comfortable enough with it that its novelty wears off, I can turn my attention and energy to something else. 

In addition to this, because jiu-jitsu is a dynamic sport practiced against a live-resisting partner, there are an infinite number of variables to face and deal with on any given day. The size, intensity, and skill level of training partners varies widely from class to class. Constraints set by the instructor such as the length of the sparring round, the starting position, or the goal of the sparring session also create new and interesting problems to solve. In short, jiu-jitsu is never boring and one is never done learning. 

This has been on my mind a lot lately because I have found myself in a position wherein I have too many irons in too many fires and it has spread me thin. Normally, jiu-jitsu is a constant in my life and something I can turn to so that I can take my mind off of the other things I have going on, but I’m presently rehabbing an old injury that has been nagging me for a while, so I have had a lot of time to think and to overcommit to other things. 

I thought I had been making a concerted effort to focus on the most important aspects of my life: God, family, and my career, which happens to be as a jiu-jitsu academy owner and instructor. But then I found myself being drawn in multiple other directions by new, shiny obsessions, and for once, it didn’t feel good. I used to thrive in this self-imposed chaos, but recently I have been craving a more focused, contemplative life and, as these things go, I have failed at achieving this on multiple levels. 

It’s all a lesson, though. This discomfort is my teacher. I can feel that I have left the ever elusive sweet-spot and I’m out on the deep waters trying to paddle my way back to safety. Regardless of how far I go in the wrong direction, however, I am certain of one consistent, never-changing fact, and that is that God will use this experience to draw me into a closer, more meaningful relationship with him if I am willing let it be so. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

There is no secret ingredient

There are no secret jiu-jitsu techniques. Well, maybe there are, but as soon as someone uses them against another person, they are no longer secret. They become part of the collective conscious of jiu-jitsu. There are, however, techniques you may have not yet encountered or details you have not yet been shown, but there really are no secrets. 

Once you have a solid foundation of fundamental principles and techniques, jiu-jitsu is mostly about strategy, execution, and timing. With rare exception, the best jiu-jitsu competitors are not doing anything different than day-to-day practitioners. They are just doing it with more experience, confidence, and refinement. 

This lesson came up recently at a jiu-jitsu tournament my daughter competed in. There were two other kids in her gi (the woven cloth uniform worn in jiu-jitsu, judo, etc.) division and she beat both of them, one by points and one by bow-and-arrow choke. These same two kids were in her nogi division, but there was also a third boy who was only there to compete without the gi. 

In her nogi matches against the kids she had defeated in the gi, she won in a similar fashion as earlier. She beat one by points and one by rear naked strangle. But the third child, the boy who was only there to compete in the nogi division, defeated her in under a minute with an armlock. In fact, he beat all three of the other kids in his division in under a minute. 

After her losing match against this boy, my daughter was upset. I tried to comfort her, explaining that there is no shame in losing to someone who is clearly better than you, which he was, as long as you try your best, which she did. Her other matches went very well and she showed more confidence and assertiveness than she ever has before. I was very proud of her. 

When the boy who defeated her was competing against the other kids in the bracket, I watched his matches and I made my daughter watch as well. It was important, I told her, to see how and why he was winning. It wasn’t just size, age, or athleticism, even though he seemed to have advantages in these areas as well. Something else was going on. 

As we watched, I pointed out to her that this boy was not doing anything special or unusual. He wasn’t using any secret techniques. In fact, he was using all of her favorite techniques, knee-cut passes, armbars, and triangle chokes, techniques she is quite familiar with. The difference, however, was that he was doing these techniques with more confidence, assertiveness, and refinement than her. I explained to her that he wasn’t better than everyone else in the division because of any special, unattainable trait or characteristic. Everything he did to win, I explained, was in her toolkit and within her reach. Like Po’s father says to Po in Kung Fu Panda, “The secret ingredient is… nothing. There is no secret ingredient.” This boy didn’t beat anyone with secret jiu-jitsu. He beat them with confidence in his plain old ordinary jiu-jitsu. 

I went on to explain to her that she has the skills and the power to win. She need only believe in herself, and train and compete like she can win. It’s not a matter of more tools, but of honing and sharpening the tools she already has, and then using those tools with confidence and assertiveness. Like Po said to Tai Lung, I told her, “There is no secret ingredient. It’s just you.” 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox.

The jiu-jitsu mats are the third place between work and home

In jiu-jitsu class this evening, like most evenings, there were practitioners from varied backgrounds. The class consisted of men and women, people in their twenties all the way into their fifties, students and professionals, law enforcement officers, restaurant workers, caregivers, veterans, active service members, computer programmers, and more. Jiu-jitsu attracts people of all ages, as well as folks from different economic, ethnic, political, and religious backgrounds, and they all seem to get along. 

It’s almost as if, in spite of what social media and the media would like us to believe, our differences are less important and less pronounced than the things we have in common. On the mats, there are rarely ever any political debates, arguments are all but nonexistent, and, even though we are learning how to most effectively pin, strangle, and break each other, everyone tends to get along. 

Jiu-jitsu truly brings people together who normally would not mix. Where else can a person train with a veterinary technician one minute and a Secret Service Counter Assault Team member the next? On the mats, the only thing that matters is skill, demeanor, what you know, and what you can execute against a live resisting partner or pass on to your students. 

People don’t just practice jiu-jitsu to learn how to fight, lose weight, or defend themselves. The reasons for practicing jiu-jitsu are as varied as the practitioners themselves. But mainly people practice jiu-jitsu because it makes them feel better. It challenges them, forces them to problem solve, gives them a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and community, and offers a “third place” between work and home for people to get away form worries and responsibilities. 

Tonight, for example, I overheard two different people say they came to class to get their minds off of a loss in their lives. One person had to put his dog down after over fifteen years together. It had gotten old and was suffering badly from some health conditions that made it more humane to put it to sleep than to allow it to suffer. Another person lost her brother suddenly to a mystery illness. Both of them were devastated by these losses and came to jiu-jitsu as a way to take their minds off their grief and sorrow. 

Upon hearing this, I was humbled, but also extremely grateful. What an amazing thing to be able to provide an environment that feels safe, healthy, and welcoming enough that people want to be there during difficult times of loss because it makes them feel better. Knowing this fact makes me feel better also. 

We all need something like jiu-jitsu in our lives. We need a practice and a community that brings out the best in us while also challenging us to be better than we were yesterday. We need a healthy, safe environment for self improvement, connection, and sometimes even distraction. We need somewhere we belong, where they miss us when we are gone, and where they are happy to see us when we return. 

For many years, the mats have been this place for me. I’m fortunate to have a loving family as well as other communities outside of martial arts that I’m involved with, but martial arts have been a constant for me for over twenty years now. When I’m feeling good, when I’m feeling down, or when I’m feeling confused and out of place, I go to jiu-jitsu and I leave feeling better. 

Over the years, I have heard many people say that they never leave jiu-jitsu feeling worse. Even when they didn’t feel like showing up, they were glad that they did. Injuries notwithstanding, I can honestly say that I feel the same way and I’m thrilled to be able to provide an environment for others to get away for a bit, forget about their problems, and challenge themselves and grow in the process. It truly is an amazing life. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox

Walking the path of righteousness or at least not trespassing

For several years now, the county within which I live has been building a paved bike trail that will span the entire length of my town, from the beach to a pre-existing bike trail in the next town over. Once the trail is complete, my family and many others will have a safe way to travel and exercise by bike or by foot across over twenty miles of paved trails spanning multiple towns. I am quite excited for the project to finish so that we can take advantage of this amenity. 

Some parts of the trail have been completed for quite a while now, some parts are mostly finished, and some have yet to be started. Where the project is mostly finished, there are large spans of paved trail that are safe to walk on, at least as far as I can tell, but which are still closed off to the public. When I was out for a walk the other day, in spite of the sign that said, “Do Not Enter,” I walked one of these sections of the trail instead of walking on the side of the busy road. 

Admittedly, it was quite nice to have a safe place to walk and the trail allowed me to go farther than I would have if it were not there. I knew I wasn’t supposed to walk on it. I read the sign after all, but I really didn’t think much of it because it seemed safe and there was no one around to stop me. 

As I stepped over the mesh plastic barricade which has clearly been stepped or ridden over many times before, the thought occurred to me, “It’s not a big deal if I do this, but obviously it would be a problem if everyone did it. I’m not everyone though, so it’s okay.” The whole while walking on the trail, however, I had the feeling that someone was watching me and I started to hurry my way along so that I could get off before I was noticed by passersby. 

I made my way to the next cross street which has no trail or sidewalk and I walked hurriedly to the next intersection where there was a sidewalk. From there, I walked my normal route home, went inside, and went about my day. But the whole day, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind about whether I had done the right thing or whether or not I would do it again.

The next morning, my wife and I had the opportunity to walk together. There are several ways we can go when we walk, but I wanted to show her the new, albeit unfinished, trail that I had “discovered” the day before. As we approached the trail, I told my wife where we were going to go and she immediately bristled at the proposition. 

She said, “I’m not walking on there. It’s not finished yet. It’s not safe.”

“It’s perfectly safe,” I said, “I walked on it yesterday.” “Why would you do that?” she asked, “There’s clearly a sign that says, “Do Not Enter.” “Yeah, but it’s fine,” I insisted, “I’ve seen plenty of people walking and biking on it, and it’s safer than walking next to the road.” 

“Don’t be that kind of person,” she replied, “Be a good citizen. Set a good example for others. Just walk the way you normally walk and stay on the sidewalk. We can go that way when the trail is done.” 

For whatever reason, those words, “Be a good citizen. Set a good example for others,” really hit me hard. I never really thought about it from that perspective. I do my best to be a good person. I don’t intentionally lie, cheat, or steal. I try to be honest, I’m faithful to my wife, I go to church on Sundays, I repay my debts, I pay my taxes, and I own multiple businesses that serve the community. “Of course I’m a good citizen,” I thought to myself. 

But as I sat with her words for a while, I started to see her point. As a Christian, I am called to live by a higher standard. This means that I must not only follow the laws of the land within which I live, which includes not trespassing, but I must also live a righteous life for God and not for my selfish desires. Christ’s example is one of self denial for the sake of God and humanity, not of selfishly taking advantage of opportunities and breaking laws simply because no one appears to be watching. 

Jesus tells us, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48, NIV).” He doesn’t mean that we should be good only when other people are watching. Rather, we are to be good always because God is always watching. “The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good (Proverbs 15:3).” No wonder I felt like someone was watching me while I was walking on the trail. God was watching me and my conscience was letting me know it. 

There is nothing we do that is outside of God’s sight. Whether it’s sneaking an extra cookie at night when we think no one else is awake, embellishing our timecard when our supervisor isn’t paying attention, or peaking at an attractive woman when we think no one will notice, God sees us. And he holds us Christians to a higher standard because he loves us and, through the Holy Spirit, he is teaching us to be perfect. 

Of course, we should be good citizens. My wife is not wrong about that. We must go beyond that and be good Christians. That means not trying to get away with petty infractions of law or morality simply because we can. It means being impeccable in word and deed, and when we fail, which we will, admitting our mistake and, to the best of our ability, making things right. 

God requires more from us because we are the standard bearers of his name. What we do is a reflection of his love, his mercy, and his grace, but also of his son, Jesus Christ. We are called to live as Jesus did (1 John 2:6), to sacrifice anything and everything that stands in the way of our relationship with him (Matt 19:21), and to give up our worldly desires for the sake of heavenly standards (Titus 2:11-13). And, we are called to walk the narrow path of righteousness, even if it is inconvenient or less attractive (Matt 7:13-14). 

So no matter how much I want to, no matter how tempting it is, I will no longer be walking on the unfinished trail until it’s open to the public. It may seem silly or like a little thing, I know it did to me, but the little things add up in the eyes of God and in our consciences. There are plenty of places by my house for me to walk without trespassing, and it is better to be inconvenienced by what is best than to have an easy life full of good enough. Good enough is not good enough for God. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

Grappling with mental, emotional, and spiritual health issues

In Brazilian jiu-jitsu, a martial art most well known for specializing in ground grappling, the goal is to pin and control your opponent and then submit them with either a joint lock or a strangulation. John Danaher, who many consider the sport’s greatest coach, describes it as “The art of control that leads to submission.” Greg Souders, another prevalent voice in the sport, describes jiu-jitsu as “The game of immobilization as it leads to strangulation and breaking.” 

However one chooses to describe it, the general idea of jiu-jitsu is the same: take your opponent to the ground and, using superior angles, positioning, and leverage, make it difficult or impossible for them to escape. Then, isolate and attack their arm, leg, or neck, and apply sufficient force to either break said arm or leg or cut off the blood or oxygen supply through the neck until your opponent taps in submission. 

Of course, this is all easier said than done. Every advantage must be earned when dealing with a fully resisting opponent or training partner. The person you are trying to pin and submit is also trying to pin and submit you. It’s a constant struggle. It’s a battle of wills as much as it’s a battle of skill, pride, strategy, and athleticism. Everything in jiu-jitsu matters, and nothing in jiu-jitsu is easy. That’s one of the reasons it is such a rewarding practice to participate in. 

With this in mind, a shared joke in jiu-jitsu is to yell, “Just stand up!” When someone is pinned and struggling to escape, it’s simple advice but often quite difficult to act on, especially against a resisting opponent and the force of gravity working against you. For this reason, “Just stand up!” is often said with sarcasm and received with scorn or laughter, depending on the recipient’s mood. 

Much like “Just stand up!” in jiu-jitsu is absurd advice to give someone who is pinned under a resisting opponent, “Just get over it!” is ridiculous advice to give to a person suffering from grief, depression, anxiety, trauma, addiction, or some other psycho-emotional ailment. While it may seem like helpful advice from the onlooker’s perspective, it is often less than useless for the person struggling with whatever issues they are experiencing. These usually well-intentioned comments can even exacerbate the recipient’s mental, emotional, or spiritual health issues by diminishing their seriousness and making it seem as though it is merely a lack of effort that is preventing them from being overcome. 

Like jiu-jitsu, our mental, emotional, and spiritual health is complicated. Many forces are working against us as we try to persevere through this thing we call life. While those of us being pinned by another jiu-jitsu practitioner would love to “Just stand up!” and those of us grappling with mental, emotional, and spiritual health issues would love to “Just get over it!” there’s usually more to it than that. As hard as we are fighting, our opponent is also fighting back, and sometimes we are outmatched. 

Sometimes, our opponent is bigger, stronger, faster, or more skilled than us, and we cannot escape our difficulties alone. Sometimes, we need help. This is true in both jiu-jitsu and in life. No one ever became a jiu-jitsu world champion without a coach, or several coaches, and a variety of skilled training partners. If you are struggling with mental or emotional health issues, don’t assume you can do it alone, either. 

When I was at my absolute lowest in my addiction, I had to come to accept that I could not overcome my problem by myself. I needed help. My parents helped me get into rehab. The rehab facility helped me get into a halfway house. The halfway house helped get me in touch with people who could lead me out of addiction and into a spiritual experience that would solve my problem. It took the proverbial village to raise me from spiritual, emotional, and psychological death. 

Likewise, many years later, when I finally admitted that I was struggling with anxiety and depression, I didn’t simply “muscle my way out of it.” I couldn’t. I couldn’t “Just stand up!” and “Just get over it!” I couldn’t do it alone; once again, I needed help. I needed my wife’s support to work through my issues; I needed friends who had been through similar problems and who could recommend good therapists; I required the therapists themselves, and finally, but most importantly, I needed God to guide me through all of this as I found my way back to him. 

Whatever you are grappling with, whether it is another person or your demons, know that you are not the first to struggle with this issue; you won’t be the last person to do so, and you are not alone. Countless other people have had whatever problem you are having and are willing to help you. Don’t waste your time trying to “Just stand up!” or “Just get over it!” You can’t. I couldn’t. We can’t. 

We all need help, and we all need each other. I love you, and we love you. Please do not give up. You are truly not alone. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

Being a better training partner

This past weekend, I was helping with my daughter’s jiu-jitsu class and, when it was time to roll (sparring in jiu-jitsu), I picked out a couple of kids I wanted her to work with. These two girls in particular are both new, but have been pointed out as having a lot of grit and a lot of potential. I put them with my daughter because she has been training for a long time and has become skilled enough to handle tough kids her age, but she is also a thoughtful, helpful training partner. 

My expectation, which I mistakenly did not communicate to my daughter, was that she skillfully, but mercifully submit the other kids. I did not want her to do this for the sake of winning or exerting dominance, but as a way of showing them that jiu-jitsu works, that an otherwise sweet young girl can develop effective fighting skills, and that you don’t have to injure someone in order to control and defeat them. But that’s not what happened. Instead, she just laid there in her guard and let them work. 

This is not an uncommon thing in jiu-jitsu when people are working on static drills meant to develop new skills, but this is not how rolling is supposed to work. Rolling is supposed to be live practice against real resistance. Instead of being skilled, my daughter was being nice. It’s hard to fault her for it, but truth be told, no one involved got better at jiu-jitsu because of it. 

On the ride home after class, we had a long talk. I explained to her why I paired her up specifically with these two girls. I told her that I wanted them to experience good jiu-jitsu done with thoughtfulness and care because I know that she is capable of that. I also explained that, by not trying, she did these girls a great disservice. 

By her not trying, these girls weren’t challenged, and it’s our challenges that make us better, stronger, and more resilient. Whereas she thought that she was doing them a favor by letting them work, she had actually robbed them of the opportunity to experience jiu-jitsu as it can be. Instead of inspiring them, she gave them a false sense of confidence. 

I did my best to explain this from a place of compassion and understanding. I know that she is a kind, caring girl and doesn’t like to hurt anyone. She most likely thought she was being nice. The problem with this, however, is that it didn’t help anyone improve and, ultimately, we are in jiu-jitsu to help each other improve. 

Without good training partners who are both tough and trustworthy, jiu-jitsu is kind of an empty practice. It is our partners and the skillful resistance they give us that brings out our skills and pushes us to strive for improvement. Without the tension created by good training partners, we stagnate and training becomes pointless. 

It is her job as their senior, I explained, to push them her partners’ growth. It is the senior student’s role to give their juniors enough resistance that they have to get better, but not so much that they can’t. The goal isn’t simply to beat them and it is especially not to humiliate them. Rather, the goal is to show them what is possible and to lead them by example in that direction. 

As with most lessons I try to teach my daughter, however, she wasn’t the only one who needed to hear this. As the words came out of my mouth, all of the times I was a lazy, passive, and apathetic training partner flashed through my mind. I needed to hear all of this as much as I needed to say it to her. 

In fact, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine with whom I do jiu-jitsu said something quite similar to me as I was saying to my daughter. He approached me after practice one night and said, “There are people who train here who have never felt your real skills and your top pressure, and you are doing them a disservice.” Confused, I asked him what he meant. He replied, “It’s cool that you want to work on your weaknesses and I know you are trying to be nice, but you are giving these folks a false sense of confidence. You are allowing them to believe they are better than they are. They don’t know what it feels like when you roll with intention and really put it on them, and they should. They need to know. They need to know as a student what you are capable of, but they also need to know, through your example, what is possible.” 

Once again, fatherhood proved to be a reflection upon my life and my character. It is the mirror I was incapable of staring into until this little blessing of a child came along. Much like I wanted her to do with her training partners, she pushes me to be better. She forces me to look at my own deficiencies and makes me question what I thought I knew about myself and my place in this world, and her presence does this, not in a way that is humiliating or demoralizing, but that feels true and generous. 

We are not islands unto ourselves. We have to have other people in our lives who are going to push us to become our best selves, and we have to do the same for others. This is what community is for. We are not here to lie down and let others walk all over us. Nor are we here to trample and take advantage of the weak. We were put on this earth together so that we can lovingly and thoughtfully push each other to be better, and to help those who cannot help themselves. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

Jiu-jitsu and parenting

I have recently realized that one of the most important truths about parenting is that I don’t really know how to do it. Most of the time, I’m just making my best guess as to how to handle a given situation, waiting to see how my decisions play out, and then adjusting based on the results. In this way, I suppose parenting is a lot like jiu-jitsu. 

The thing about jiu-jitsu is that it’s not just about you and what you want. Your training partner always gets a say. You may think things are going to go a certain way, but your training partner has his or her own plans, strategies, and goals as well. Even if you have a specific outcome in mind, your training partner may block or counter your move, or even use your own move against you. 

In this way, Jiu-jitsu is much more of a conversation than it is a monologue. Very rarely can you simply impose your will on your partner without any resistance. Even when you can, it’s not really that satisfying or beneficial to either party. 

All of this also applies to parenting. I have certain goals and aspirations for my daughter, but she gets a say. And when I try to guide, lead, or correct her with a specific outcome in mind, it often does not go as planned. She has her own personality, emotions, ideas, and aspirations that all influence how our interactions go. I may start with a plan, but I am often forced to pivot because she didn’t react or respond the way I anticipated. 

This is not to say that I am powerless over her and that she always gets what she wants. That would be neither desirable nor beneficial for either of us. Rather, my best parenting takes into account her personality, desires, and responses. It’s a conversation not a monologue. 

Another similarity between jiu-jitsu and parenting is that, no matter how long I do either, I realize that there is way more to learn. Both jiu-jitsu and parenting keep me humble. As soon as I think I have it all figured out, I am quickly reminded that I don’t. I must remain a perpetual student. 

Both also require presence and intention. I have realized that I can neither be a good parent nor jiu-jitsu practitioner if I am not present, in the moment, and undistracted. My complete attention is required if I am going to be effective. I also cannot phone it in. If I want to be a good parent and a good training partner, I have to be intentional about it. Half measures get less than half results. They get me nowhere. 

Ironically perhaps, in spite of their similarities, I think parenting is way more difficult than jiu-jitsu. I’m way more scared of messing up my daughter with bad parenting than I am of messing up my training partner with bad jiu-jitsu. Actually, if I have bad jiu-jitsu, I’m the one who gets hurt. Whereas, if I parent poorly, my daughter has to live with the consequences. Raising another human being is lot of pressure. 

That said, I love my life. I love being a father, even on the bad days, and I love practicing and teaching jiu-jitsu, even on the bad days. I am also extremely fortunate that I sometimes get to do both at the same time. As painful and frustrating as it may be sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

Choosing to walk

For many years, I was a repair technician traveling around the Washington DC metro area repairing coffee equipment and commercial ovens. With jobs coming in every day that were all over the region, I tried my best to be fast and efficient. But it was rarely as simple as showing up, diagnosing a piece of equipment, and repairing it. I also had to deal with the unpredictable obstacles of traffic and parking. 

With traffic, there was often nothing that could be done. There were a few back roads or detours here and there that I could take, but I mostly just had to trudge my way through it. Parking was slightly different, however.

With parking, especially in the city, I usually had two options. One option was to take the first available parking space, no matter how far away it was, and to walk. This would mean having to make multiple trips between my vehicle and the store for parts. The second option was to drive around the store I would be working in, looking for a parking space for as long as it took to find one as close to the store as possible. 

Quite often, I chose the second option. I prided myself on my stubborn persistence that I was going to find a parking space close to the store no matter how long it took. I’m not sure how often this decision saved me time, but it certainly saved me a lot of walking. 

Here’s the irony. Now that I no longer do repair work for a living, I actually make time to take long walks. In fact, I plan my day around my morning walk and I look for excuses to take walks throughout the day when I can. In fact, I sometimes park far away at the grocery store just to walk more and I take the stairs instead of the elevator when it is reasonable to do so. The difference, as far as I can tell, is why I’m walking and whom I’m walking for. 

Martial Art Events – KD Events LLC

The following is a resharing of the webpage copy about the martial art event company for whom I am an event coordinator, KD Events LLC.

KD Events LLC was formed in 2023 by Robert and Matthew Van Valkenburgh, along with their friend Dwayne Bowie, as a means of creating more local competition opportunities for Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai practitioners in the DMV (DC, MD, VA, and DE). Specifically, KD Events LLC focuses on events for niche sub-communities within Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai who are otherwise underserved by larger, more traditional events.

Events run by KD Events LLC:

  • Liquid Swords NoGi Sub Only: nogi submission only jiu-jitsu superfights 
  • Muay Thai Development League: technical sparring scrimmages for youth, teen, and adult Muay Thai practitioners
  • Older Grappler: gi and nogi sparring scrimmages for older jiu-jitsu practitioners 40+
  • Shrimp Roll BJJ: gi and nogi sparring scrimmages for youth jiu-jitsu practitioners age 5-15 years old
  • The Gentle Woman: gi and nogi sparring scrimmages for female jiu-jitsu practitioners

These events are not intended to replace or compete with the larger events that already exist in our area, but to fill the gaps between them and to provide training opportunities for the Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai subcultures that are unintentionally neglected or ignored by these larger promotions. 

For example, many older Jiu-Jitsu practitioners are hesitant to compete in traditional Jiu-Jitsu tournaments for fear of having to face someone much younger than them because of a lack of registrations in their age group. Older Grappler solves this problem by offering scrimmages and open mats for Jiu-Jitsu practitioners over the age of 40. The Gentle Woman serves the same purpose for the female Jiu-Jitsu community. 

The Muay Thai Development League exists to give up-and-coming Muay Thai athletes a safe outlet through which they can gain competitive experience, either for the purpose of working up to becoming a professional fighter, or simply to test themselves outside of the comfort of their academy. Shrimp Roll Youth Jiu-Jitsu Scrimmages serves a similar purpose for youth Jiu-Jitsu practitioners who may have never competed before or are looking to gain more experience competing without the pressure and cost of a larger tournament. 

Liquid Swords NoGi Sub Only is a nogi submission only jiu-jitsu superfight series where local athletes can showcase their skills in front of an audience. This is a spectator event featuring local talent and local vendors, and is intended to be a fun experience for everyone involved. The main purpose of Liquid Swords NoGi Sub Only is to provide jiu-jitsu athletes with more local nogi competition opportunities in the DMV where the majority of tournaments prioritize gi jiu-jitsu. 

To find out more about KD Events LLC or to check out our upcoming events, CLICK HERE

Robert Van Valkenburgh