benedictine

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other

In an interview with Benedictine monk Father Augustine Wetta, Fr. Wetta talked about a fellow monk recently leaving the monastic brotherhood and explained that whenever this happened, it was almost always because of a secret, something they were too afraid or ashamed to tell someone else. He went on to explain just how tragic and unnecessary the loss of a monastic brother was because whatever was going on could have been worked out if only the monk were willing to discuss it with another person instead of keeping it to himself.

There’s a saying in the recovery community that “We are only as sick as our secrets.” There’s a lot of truth to this. The things about us that we hide and keep secret become the edges onto which demons can cling. By keeping certain aspects of ourselves hidden in the shadows, those shadows begin living in us. 

This is not to say that we should share everything with everyone. That is not only unwise, but it can also cause more harm than good. By oversharing and being overly honest, we risk hurting others and putting ourselves in a position where we cannot help anyone. 

We shouldn’t, however, be the only person who knows everything about us. This is especially true for those things about us for which we carry shame, guilt, remorse, or embarrassment. These negative emotions are a recipe for isolation, and when we isolate, which is different than solitude, the devil is usually there to keep us company. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16, NIV).”

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations on God and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox. 

Committing to go deeper

A young monk walked into the abbot’s room where he found the abbot sleeping. 

“Father, wake up,” said the monk. 

“What is it?” the abbot asked. 

“I’m leaving the monastery,” replied the monk. 

“Today?” asked the abbot. 

“No,” said the monk, “Not today.” 

“Okay,” the abbot replied, “Be a good monk today and leave tomorrow.” 

Nearly thirty years of todays have passed for that monk and the tomorrow of leaving has never come.  

This story, a version of which I recently heard told by Father Augustine Wetta on The Chris Stefanick Show, reminded me of something a jiu-jitsu instructor friend of mine says to students who want to quit jiu-jitsu. He tells them, “You aren’t allowed to quit on a bad day. Keep training until you have a great day and then decide whether or not you want to quit. If, even at its best, you still decide jiu-jitsu isn’t for you, we can talk.” 

All too often these days, we commit to things in a lukewarm fashion. We dabble and dip our toes in, and then quit as soon as it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or unpleasant. But this prevents us from ever getting to the good stuff. When we quit something too soon, when we have only just scratched the surface of its depth, we never really get to learn the lessons it is meant to teach us, lessons that can only be learned through commitment.

As I have often said about marriage, “In our wedding vows, we don’t say, ‘For better or worse,’ for the better parts. Neither do we say, ‘In sickness and in health,’ for the healthy parts. Better and healthy don’t require vows of commitment. They are easy. We say our vows for when things get worse and our spouses get sick. We vow to be committed through the inevitable pain, frustration, and disillusionment that comes with every relationship.”  

When we commit in this way, we begin to realize that our day-to-day feelings don’t matter as much as we once thought they did. They get some say, but feelings are unreliable and fleeting. What really matters is that we continue, that we practice, that we go deeper, that we go beyond the superficial layers of whatever activity or relationship we are involved in and get to the essence of what that activity or relationship is trying to teach us, and then we keep going. 

It’s easy to commit to something when it’s new, enjoyable, and exciting, but this isn’t really commitment. Commitment is the decision to keep going after the newness has worn off, when the initial enjoyment has faded, and when we are bored or even unhappy. Commitment is the decision to not quit on a bad day and to not leave until tomorrow. 

Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity

To read my poetry and shorter writing, please visit Meditations of a Gentle Warrior and subscribe to receive my daily meditations in your inbox.